Sunday, July 22, 2007

The Toilet Timer

U.S. Patent, 1993.

We now continue in our investigation of the language of Toilets.

Are you tired of waiting in line for that pesky porcelain pot? Too many users in your house? Well, you don't have to wait any longer. Not with the patented technology of the Toilet Timer.

Got a kid who sits for hours? Dad wasting away on the latrine? Set the timer for 5 minutes, and all your problems will be solved.

Actually, I'm not sure what happens when the timer goes off. What do you think happens?

Can you help me translate?

From Patently Absurd.

8 comments:

AVCR8TEUR said...

I think all women's public bathrooms need these installed asap to eliminate those pesky lines. When the timer goes off, the toilet retracts into the wall whether or not you're finished. That sounds evil! ;P

Translator said...

Great idea, avcr8teur! Although, that sounds kinda dangerous with the retracting and stuff. But perhaps that's what it would take!

Jaya said...

Oh! What an AWFUL invention!! The bathroom is one of the last places of peace and privacy in this modern world. Or at least it should be. It's bad enough that I have cats jumping up on my lap while on the toilet, but then to have an ALARM go off while doing my duty? Jeeeeesh. That'd be enough to get anyone's bowels all twisted up. This invention is a menace! A menace, I tell you!!

Translator said...

Good point, Jaya. I'm not sure what an alarm would do to me when I was...well, you know, doing the business.

I guess I might fall in.

Bimmy the Bookish said...

It's a good job we have you to warn about these things, m'dear, or we would be unsuspecting, and more liable to fall prey.
Do the lights flash when the timer goes off?

Bimmy the Bookish said...

It's a good job we have you to warn about these things, m'dear, or we would be unsuspecting, and more liable to fall prey.
Do the lights flash when the timer goes off?

Translator said...

Good question, bimmy. I'm not sure about the lights, but that sounds like a good idea!

rab sleeping bags said...

A toilet is a sanitation fixture used primarily for the disposal of human excrement, often found in a small room referred to as a toilet/bathroom/lavatory. Flush toilets, which are common in many parts of the world, may be connected to a nearby septic tank or more commonly in urban areas via a sewerage system to a more distant sewage treatment plant; chemical toilets are used in mobile and many temporary situations where there is no access to sewerage, dry toilets, including pit toilets and composting toilet require no or little water with excreta being removed manually or composted in situ.