Saturday, June 9, 2007

Breatharian Magic Words

Wiley Brooks, Breatharian, Spiritual Teacher, Inter-dimensional Traveler, and Founder of the Breatharian Institute Of America

Our travels now take us to Arizona in the United States, where we will investigate the language of Breatharianism.

According to the Breatharian Institute of America, a Breatharian “…is a person who can, under the proper conditions, live with or without eating physical food.” I don’t know about you, but physical food is my favorite kind of food. I couldn’t live without it for a day. I’d get all dead-like.

Anyway, in order to attain fifth-dimensional enlightenment, Breatharian master Wiley Brooks has compiled a list of five Magic Words:

1. Jot Niranjan

2. Omkar

3. Rarankar

4. Sohang

5. Sat Nam

Mr. Brooks follows this list with a very specific meditation procedure:

Start meditating with these magic words for at least 30 minutes a day to begin with and increase your meditating time to 2 hours a day as soon as possible. Repeat them in the exact order that they are.

Do the meditation excersize before drinking lots of diet coke in the 20 oz and 1 liter sizes in the plastic bottles only. Along with a double-quarter-pounder/with cheese meal at McDonald's only. Always meditate 30 mins to an hour before eating. Try to eat at least one meal a day for a while. Go back to my web site periodically to see if you can start to feel the magic after reading a few paragraphs.


May the forces be with you. You can call me and I will give you the correct pronunciations of the words from the 5D world.


P.S. You can call me anytime. My 5D #: 602-781-2624. Call me after 9 PM Arizona time. If you have trouble the first time you call, meditate on the 5 magic words for a few minutes and try again.

May the forces be with you, too Wiley. But I thought you said that Breatharians can live without physical food? Why do you suggest drinking diet coke and eating McDonald’s double-quarter-pounder with cheese meals (that means fries too) while meditating? And I'm pretty sure the American Cancer Society is gonna get mad at you for preventing your followers from eating fruits and veggies.

I’m not “feeling the magic” in the language of Breatharianism.

I just don’t get it. Can you help me translate?


Splantrik said...

"The workshop includes a visit to Earth Prime in the 5th Dimension

in your physical body if you are ready.

You will also learn how to become a permanent resident and/or retire in this beautiful world.

The process starts at an initial costs as low as $200,000.00 USD


This special offer will last only until July 1, 2007
The cost will be $400,000 USD"

It's almost past the point of funny.

Howard said...

Like, everyone creates their own reality, you know? And that reality has it's own, like, rules and stuff and it's only limited by your imagination (nah-ha-ha, I tooootally stole that from Spongebob), so, like, your own reality, you can like eat air. My air tastes like Doritos. Nah-ha-ha. Oh, it helps to smoke a big ole bowl, too. Nah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Translator said...

Splantrik - $200K sounds like a steal.

Howard - My reality includes me being extremely rich. It just gets very hard to pay for stuff with invisible credit cards and monopoly money.

Tracy said...

I think Wiley's reality includes unmedicated schitzophrenia. I wonder if anyone's actually paid to "learn" from him?

Translator said...

Tracy - good question. I'm not sure if I would want to spend that kind of money to eat McDonalds.

Thanks for stopping by! Come back soon!