Saturday, August 11, 2007

Lifegems

LifeGem...

Love. Life's single greatest risk. Life's single greatest reward. Love captures your heart in a second and holds it for eternity.

You have known the feeling of pure joy and elation, and it will be forever cherished. Love is more than a memory.

You have experienced a love without equal. You have had someone truly special in your life and mere words simply will not do.

Love knows no boundaries. Love knows no end.

So, let's make a gemstone out of the carbon from your dead loved one's body.


That's right. We now travel to Elk Grove Village, Illinois where LifeGem® is creating certified high-quality diamonds from the carbon of your loved ones as a memorial to their unique life.

What's more, it is no longer necessary to use the cremated remains of an entire body. LifeGem's patented technology now requires only a lock of hair to harvest all the required carbon.

What does this mean?

It is now possible to create
LifeGems from locks of hair around the world, including famous locks of hair.

If you're interested, check out Project Beethoven Lifegem, where three LifeGems, fashioned from the carbon of Beethoven's hair, will be auctioned off to buy LifeGems for the less fortunate.

How they got Beethoven's hair I don't want to know.

But I think it's kinda cool. I think.


But don't take my word for it:

All I can say is putting my husband’s death into something with so much LIFE was the best move I cold have ever made. All my love to you and anyone who had a hand in my husbands Death and rebirth......Elizabeth Hile Needham, Wife.

Gray had a great sense of humour and joked that not only would I be able to take him with me wherever I went – I would also be able to nag him- I do too! Initially I had reservations but knew how much it meant to Gray so I went ahead with his wishes. I’m so glad I did. I had the stone set in a ring and I never take it off. It’s the most beautiful thing I own and I joke that he hasn’t lost his sparkle......Mary Sikes, Wife.

Thank you so very much...it is absolutely stunning. I opened the box, and there it was..the exact color of my mother's eyes!.......Meredith Deming, Daughter.

We want to thank you for giving us this gift just before the one year anniversary of Hannah's birthday into Heaven.......Susi Rowley, Mother.


And if you're worried that you can't afford a LifeGem for every member of your family, don't fret. There is now a LifeGem Family Plan available.

I just don't get the concept of LifeGems. Perhaps I'm just a little too narrow-minded, but it seems a bit obsessive. I mean, I understand the idea of immortality through preserving physical remains, a concept perfected by the Egyptians.

But when I kick the bucket, I just hope they can find a big dirt hole, in which my Earthly remains can take a nice, long nap. And if I turn into a deposit of diamonds after 10,000 years through natural means, so be it. That's the only way you're gonna get a gemstone out of me.

What do you think? Can you help me translate?

13 comments:

Jaya said...

I like this. I'd like to have one made of my own carbon, to wear BEFORE I'm dead.

Translator said...

That's a good point, Jaya! I guess you COULD use hair from individuals that are still alive. Let me know if you do it.

By the way, its ~$20,000 for 1 carat.

Gaddy Bergmann said...

Hmmm ... yeah, a bit eccentric, I suppose. But it's better than forcing poor local people in Africa or Siberia to labor in mines for pennies a day just to get shiny rocks out of the ground. I hope artificial gems become more popular for that reason, actually.

As for my remains, I want a burial at sea. You can just dump my body into the ocean - preferably right into a giant school of sharks. With frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! How cool would that be?

Say, does this count as my last will and testament?

Translator said...

Yep. It does.

Lord Likely said...

I should like to live on in death, as I did in life - on the end of somebody's finger.

Translator said...

That's a great idea, my Lord. A corpse yo-yo sounds extremely interesting.

Gerri said...

$20,000 for 1 carat? LOL.. I'll take 2 please :)

Great find though, very interesting. Too bad that I can't afford one until I win the lottery.

paisley said...

definitely out of my price range,, but i do think the sentiment is lovely... i wonder if they can do it with dogs ashes,,, those i have....

TOM said...

I've gotta a couple of ex's I'd like to turn into diamonds, one would definitely never get past being coal...thing is I'd like to use their whole bodies...get bigger diamonds..Do they have to be dead?

Crabbie (aka Deb) said...

Oh gosh, a solution for my dad's ashes! Mom still has them in a closet since 1999!

No, actually, it kinda creeps me out.

Translator said...

Gerri - I know. 20G's sounds a bit steep.

Paisley - They do have a service for pets. It's probably a bit pricey, but you might check it out!

Tom - Nope. They don't have to be dead. Just chop off a lock of their hair. If you're interested in using entire living bodies, I can refer you to another type of website, with which, I have no official association. Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Say no more.

Deb - Really? Wow. And it kinda creeps me out, too.

Beenzzz said...

Sick, sick, sick, sick siiiiiiiiick! I don't think I like this idea very much! 20K? Insanity!

Jaya said...

I'm with Gerri... have to wait until after winning the lottery. Hope it won't be too long a wait.