Quick Translations : Giant Ducky

Quick Translation : "I'd hate to see the bar of soap!"

Your Quick Translation : (Leave a comment!)

Anagram Anarchy : Five

The Phaistos Cipher Disk. Crete, circa 1700 B.C.E.

If you need help understanding the language of anagrams, CLICK HERE for some background.

Each time, I will produce a new anagram for a chosen word or phrase. It's your job as budding translators to rearrange the letters to produce the answer.

So here's today's anagram:

Trout Halibut Emu Men

Hint #1: Movie.

Rearrange the letters to solve the puzzle, and leave your answer in the comments section to this post.

Spoiler Warning: I'll also confirm the solution in the comments section after someone guesses correctly. So if you want to work it out for yourself, do so before clicking "comments".

Good luck!

Hats of Meat

We will now investigate the language of haberdashery - specifically, we will discuss the phenomenon of meat hats.

Possibly dating back to the 16th Century, meat hats have continued to please crowds in even the highest circles of society. According to the Hats of Meat Website:

"The expression 'I’ll eat my hat' traces back as far as the 19th century, usually credited to Abraham Lincoln in reference to one of his trademark stovepipe hats, which were often made of tenderloin".

Meat hats may be composed of any sort of bodily material, while the fashion trend remains the bane of PETA members worldwide. Here are a few examples:

The Pork Pie

The Base-Bull Cap

The Brisket Yarmulke (Made from 100% Kosher beef)

Now, I'm not saying that it's not creative, but I just don't think that meat translates well into clothing.

Perhaps it's because I think the appeal of having emergency food rations on your head is outweighed by the hats' propensity to attract bears.

I just can't put my finger on it. Is it the sight, the feel, the smell of meat on your head? I just don't understand the appeal of meat hats. Can you help me translate?

Quick Translations : Bad Teeth

Quick Translation : "Couldn't afford a toothbrush."

Your Quick Translation : (Leave a comment!)

Postcards from the Edge : Adria in Westfield, MA

(Click for larger view)

For our next edition of Postcards from the Edge...of the World, we travel to the beautiful Stanley Park, in the middle of Westfield, Massachusetts. My good friend Adria from In Cinq has sent me a postcard that reads:

(Click for larger views)

Thanks, Adria! It looks like a beautiful park! I pulled a few photos from the Stanley Park website:

It really seems like a great place in summer or winter - despite the wacky geese!

Adria's In Cinq is one of the most creative blogs I've ever seen. Adria's site is a wonderful collection of visitor-submitted cinqpics, or self portraits with accompanying cinquains (9-word poems).

If you'd like to submit your own cinqpic to In Cinq for all the world to see, just follow these simple steps along with sending your self portrait:

Contributor Guidelines

You've snapped the self portraits. Now snap yourself a self poem. Reveal yourself in a 9-word cinquain.

1st line: one word that represents you
2nd line: two words that describe you
3rd line: three words that show you
4th line: two words that express you
5th line: the essence of you, in one word

Also share your: Gender, age, location. Examples: "guy, 28, third floor corner cubicle"; "girl, 19, Boston."

Here's mine:

Guy, 30, in the foliage.

watching
listening artistically
passenger retroactively arrived
exorbitant dissection
experiment


And, yes - I was making a weird face. I don't always look like that. And there are plenty more cinqpics where that came from. Every day you can check out new cinqpics from around the globe.

I totally understand In Cinq. It's a great way to translate the lives of people from around the world into something a little closer to home. No further translation necessary.

And if YOU are interested in sending me a postcard and having your website "Translated", it's simple! All you have to do is send me a postcard, and when I put it up on Rosetta Rants, just write a post linking to my post, so all your friends can see your card! That way, more people will learn about my idea, too! Please CLICK HERE to learn more.

And be sure to check out my new Postcards from the Edge Buttons! They're loads of fun!

CLICK HERE to read my previous postcards.

I can't wait to hear from you!

Surströmming

We now travel to Sweden, where we will investigate the language of food delicacies. Today, I am referring to Surströmming, or canned fermented baltic herring.

Surströmming is produced by soaking herring fish in brine and fermenting them for one to two months in barrels. Next, the ripe morsels of joy are canned and allowed to ferment for up to six additional months, causing the cans to bulge from a build up of carbon dioxide.

Haloanaerobium bacteria are responsible for imparting surströmming's unique flavor, through their production of propionic acid, acetic acid, and hydrogen sulfide.

It sounds something like rotten eggs with vinegar.

Opening cans of the pungent fish may be dangerously explosive, a practice which has been banned from several airlines. Besides the safety issues, how would you like to sprayed in the face with the stuff?

It sounds very interesting, but I'm not sure I understand the appeal of surströmming.

Have any of you tried it? Can you help me translate?

The Horse Diaper

U.S. Patent, 1998.

Returning to the language of toilets, this time we investigate horse diapers.

Tired of spending countless hours cleaning those pesky stalls? Sick of bending over to grab handfull after handfull of equine excrement? Well, fret no more!

Now you can live the lazy cowboy's dream - with the newly patented Horse Diaper (some assembly required).

Now, what do you think is more work: cleaning the floor of a stall or changing a gigantic diaper on an extremely irritated horse?

I'll stick to cleaning the floor. Heck, I'd gladly save hundreds of dollars per month on the cost of diapers if it was socially acceptable for my daughter to run free and do her business in the yard. Except that's not gonna happen. And I can't keep her in a barn.

Until she's four.

I just don't get horse diapers. Can you help me translate?

From Patently Absurd.

Oscar the Death Cat

Our journey now takes us to Providence, Rhode Island, where we will investigate the language of death. I'm sure many of you are familiar with the story of Oscar the Death Cat.

Oscar, a pet at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center, seems to have a knack for predicting when patients are going to die, by curling up next to them in their final hours.

Psychic pets have been documented well back into the seventeenth century, when a "Learned Pig", a "Wonderful Intelligent Goose", Toby the "Sapient Pig", and many others mystified onlookers with counting games and other parlor tricks.

Of course, the most famous thinking pet must be Clever Hans, a German horse, to whom the ability of arithmetic was attributed. However, an investigation in 1907 determined that Hans merely watched the reactions of his human observers to learn the answers.

Am I discounting Oscar's ability to sense the inevitability of death? Certainly not. There are many things in this world that I don't understand - things that don't seem to have "natural" explanations. Some have suggested that Oscar can smell physiological changes in patients that are about to expire - but this is no less amazing.

No, it's not that I think Oscar is a fake. I just think his services would be better put to use in other settings. It's not surprising that patients in nursing homes are close to death. But what if Oscar was employed:

1)At McDonalds - He could curl up under the feet of customers who are about to partake in their final super-sized Big Mac meal before departing for the Golden Arches in the Sky. For those people, it's time for a salad.

2)On Sky Diving Trips - He could snuggle with jumpers that are about to go "splat". For those people, it's time to find a new hobby.

3)On the Docks for Crab Fishing Boats - I'm a big fan of Deadliest Catch, on the Discovery Channel. Oscar could be used to pick the boats that have bad omens over them. For those people, it's time for a change of profession.

4)Any other ideas?

Where else would Oscar come in handy? Can you help me translate?

Anagram Anarchy - Four

U.S. Army Cipher Disk.

If you need help understanding the language of anagrams, CLICK HERE for some background.

Each time, I will produce a new anagram for a chosen word or phrase. It's your job as budding translators to rearrange the letters to produce the answer.

So here's today's anagram:

Thank Third Keg

Hint #1: Desmodus rotundus.

Rearrange the letters to solve the puzzle, and leave your answer in the comments section to this post.

Spoiler Warning: I'll also confirm the solution in the comments section after someone guesses correctly. So if you want to work it out for yourself, do so before clicking "comments".

Good luck!

Simpsonsmania is Here!

Well, it's officially here. Hype about the The Simpsons Movie is spreading across the globe as we speak, and I think the language of Simpsonsmania warrants some discussion.

I stood in line at midnight last night to be one of the first people to translate The Simpsons Movie. Like many other indoctrinated members of my generation, I wanted to experience the mania first-hand - when the doughnuts were hot, when the Squishees were cold, and before every twelve-year-old in the world recites Homer's new catch phrases by heart, ruining the pleasure of what can only be described as new classic "Homerisms".

Simsponsmaniacs around the world poured into theaters last night to witness the equivalent of three Simpsons episodes rolled into one - without commercials and the annoying "to be continued" phrase. Here are a couple movie posters from other corners of the globe:


In all, The Simpsons Movie delivers on its promises - longer running time, deeper plot lines, better animation, and a more mature brand of humor that television audiences could never hope to experience.

Still, I couldn't help but think that I was paying $10 to watch a 90 minute, made-for-tv Simpsons holiday special. I guess I'm still not quite sure that the cultural phenomenon that is The Simpsons translates properly to the Silver Screen. But for any member of the Simpsonsmania movement, The Simpsons Movie is a must-see.

I give it 4/5 passports. It's probably worth the journey!