Oscar the Death Cat

Our journey now takes us to Providence, Rhode Island, where we will investigate the language of death. I'm sure many of you are familiar with the story of Oscar the Death Cat.

Oscar, a pet at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center, seems to have a knack for predicting when patients are going to die, by curling up next to them in their final hours.

Psychic pets have been documented well back into the seventeenth century, when a "Learned Pig", a "Wonderful Intelligent Goose", Toby the "Sapient Pig", and many others mystified onlookers with counting games and other parlor tricks.

Of course, the most famous thinking pet must be Clever Hans, a German horse, to whom the ability of arithmetic was attributed. However, an investigation in 1907 determined that Hans merely watched the reactions of his human observers to learn the answers.

Am I discounting Oscar's ability to sense the inevitability of death? Certainly not. There are many things in this world that I don't understand - things that don't seem to have "natural" explanations. Some have suggested that Oscar can smell physiological changes in patients that are about to expire - but this is no less amazing.

No, it's not that I think Oscar is a fake. I just think his services would be better put to use in other settings. It's not surprising that patients in nursing homes are close to death. But what if Oscar was employed:

1)At McDonalds - He could curl up under the feet of customers who are about to partake in their final super-sized Big Mac meal before departing for the Golden Arches in the Sky. For those people, it's time for a salad.

2)On Sky Diving Trips - He could snuggle with jumpers that are about to go "splat". For those people, it's time to find a new hobby.

3)On the Docks for Crab Fishing Boats - I'm a big fan of Deadliest Catch, on the Discovery Channel. Oscar could be used to pick the boats that have bad omens over them. For those people, it's time for a change of profession.

4)Any other ideas?

Where else would Oscar come in handy? Can you help me translate?

Russian Holes

Russians have some of the biggest holes in the world. In fact, recently, Russians have been seen exploring their holes in the middle of densely forested areas. What's more, no one really knows how those holes were exposed in the middle of the forests to begin with.

One Siberian hole was so big, that the air escaping from it was enough to crash several helicopters.

To what do you think I'm referring?


I assure you, it has NOTHING to do with Igor and his favorite Turkish bath. There really are unexplained tunnels that have been popping up throughout Russia for the past few decades. No one knows why.

They don't seem to be from large-scale drilling. There's no way you could get a truck into those forests, and there are no piles of dirt anywhere. Is it aliens? Swamp gas? Aliens WITH swamp gas? No way to be sure.

And that's one big hole left from an old diamond mine in Siberia. The suction from inside really did crash several helicopters. Man, Russians really seem to like their holes. But why? And what made those tunnels?

I just don't get it. Can you help me translate?