Showing posts with label Food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Food. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Balut


We now travel to Southeast Asia, where we will again translate the language of food delicacies. This time, we will investigate Balut, or fertilized duck eggs that are boiled and eaten with a pinch of salt.

Largely considered delicacies in the Philippines, Cambodia, and Vietnam, balut (Trứng vịt lộn or Hột vịt lộn in Vietnamese, Pong tea khon in Cambodian) contain 15-day-old crunchy duck embryos that are seen as a high-protein aphrodisiac. Produced in mass quantities, ferilized duck eggs are incubated in warm baskets until they are ready to be boiled and served.

What I want to know is, where do you find a baby duck to keep the balut farm running? It's like, "Oops. We ate the last ferilized duck egg. Oh well, let's try chickens."

I can see the importance of balut as a high-protein food source, but I must say that the textural elements of crunchy duck embryos and squishy yolk scare me a little. I'm not sure if I understand the language of balut. Can you help me translate?

Monday, August 6, 2007

Postcards from the Edge : Alwizbme in Johor, Malaysia

(Click for larger view)

My next Postcard from the Edge...of the World comes from my new friend Alwizbme in Batu Pahat, Johor, Malaysia.

It reads:

(Click for larger views)

Ah, my old friend - the durian fruit. Thank you, Alwizbme! "Flash" - I like that! And if any of you would like to see my previous translation of the durian fruit, click here.

From what I can tell, the durian is quite wacky and wonderful, and I'm glad to hear that you don't think it's worthless, Alwizbme! I'm still not sure that I would be able to get past the stinky feet smell. Beauty (and smell) is in the eye (and nose) of the beholder (smeller).

When it comes to fruit, Alwizbme should know quite a lot. He runs the beautiful Tropical Bloom blog, which features breathtaking photographs and natural histories of the fascinating flora and fauna endemic to Malaysia. Here are a few of his most recent entries:

A purple Senduduk flower.

Hibiscus, Malaysia's National flower.

So if you're interested in a journey into the heart of a tropical paradise, be sure to check out Tropical Bloom. I totally understand Alwizbme's website. It's daily reading that will truly take you away. No further translation necessary!



Did you like this review? Guess how much Alwizbme paid me for it:

NOTHING! It was free!

And if YOU are interested in sending me a postcard and having your website "Translated" for free, it's simple! All you have to do is send me a postcard, and when I put it up on Rosetta Rants, just write a post linking to my post, so all your friends can see your card! That way, more people will learn about my idea, too!

Please CLICK HERE to learn more. I can't wait to hear from you!

And be sure to check out my new Postcards from the Edge Buttons!

Please CLICK HERE to read my previous postcards.

Ahem...I wouldn't mind a Digg, too.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Surströmming

We now travel to Sweden, where we will investigate the language of food delicacies. Today, I am referring to Surströmming, or canned fermented baltic herring.

Surströmming is produced by soaking herring fish in brine and fermenting them for one to two months in barrels. Next, the ripe morsels of joy are canned and allowed to ferment for up to six additional months, causing the cans to bulge from a build up of carbon dioxide.

Haloanaerobium bacteria are responsible for imparting surströmming's unique flavor, through their production of propionic acid, acetic acid, and hydrogen sulfide.

It sounds something like rotten eggs with vinegar.

Opening cans of the pungent fish may be dangerously explosive, a practice which has been banned from several airlines. Besides the safety issues, how would you like to sprayed in the face with the stuff?

It sounds very interesting, but I'm not sure I understand the appeal of surströmming.

Have any of you tried it? Can you help me translate?

Monday, July 2, 2007

Gotta Love the Tigers

Penaeus monodon (Asia)

The language of summer barbecuing is quite complex. Right around July 4th, the barbecue season is well underway, and people may be interested in grilling something a bit out of the ordinary.

No, I'm not talking about that annoying little dog that lives behind my house. Barking incessantly. Day. Night. When I watch television. When I'm trying to sleep. When I water the garden. When I walk to the kitchen. When I open the refrigerator. When I eat anything. I swear that little rascal can hear me eating.

No. As much as I'd like to grill that little puppy to a crisp, we don't condone any sort of violence here at Rosetta Rants. Not even towards the barking Spawn of Satan, himself. No, I'm talking about grilling something else.

For example, we threw some jumbo tiger prawns on the barbie tonight - shells-on, basted with a roasted red pepper and basil butter sauce. You gotta love the tigers. Man, they were good. Like little lawbstahs.

If you're gonna cook shrimp or prawns on the barbie, make sure you only cook them a few minutes per side, or you risk drying them out. Here's how I did mine:

Combine:

1 Lb, Jumbo tiger prawns (Shell-On, Costco, $16 per pound)
Juice of 1/2 Lime
1/3 Cup olive oil
Salt and Pepper to taste

Coat the prawns with all ingredients and marinate for at least 1 hr. Grill 2 minutes per side. Baste and serve with any sauce or melted butter.

In addition to the prawns, we had lots of beer, margaritas, and mojitos. Then we took in some beautiful fireworks. A few days early, but who's counting?


I fully understand the language of lazy summer grilling. No further translation necessary.

But I'd still like to know how YOU spend lazy summer evenings...


Friday, June 29, 2007

Cuitlacoche

Our next journey takes us to Mexico, where we will delve into the language of food delicacies. In Mexico, the word for "yummy" is "Cuitlacoche" (kweet-lah-KOH-chay).

It's infected corn.

Since the time of the Aztecs, the fungus Ustilago maydis, also known as corn smut, maize mushroom, or huitlacoche, has infected and transformed perfectly normal corn into this:


That's right. They meant to do that. The Sneeze described opening a can of Cuitlacoche and tasting it:

In just a single serving, you'll experience a wide array of textures. Without getting too gross, it's because the disease is more advanced in some kernels than others. One bite might be kinda chewy, while the next might burst in your mouth like a black pus-filled blister.
Sound good?


When's the last time you ate something that looked like that? On purpose? Be honest, because I don't think that putting frogs in blenders is a common practice these days.

The large, bulbous things that look like frog eyes are corn kernels that have swollen to enormous size from fungal spores inside.

Enthusiasts report the taste of cuitlacoche to be a smoky-sweet mixture of corn and mushrooms. Not sure if I'd want to find out.

Right now, the only fungi I eat are mushrooms, beer, and bread. That's right. Beer and bread contain fungi.

Yep. Yeast. Yeasts are unicellular fungi, and certain types are some of my best friends.

I'm just not sure if I understand the language of maize mushroom. Has anyone tried it before? Can you help me translate?

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Blue Genes

The Blue Lobstah

We shall now travel to beautiful New London, Connecticut, where we will attempt to translate the language of genetics. Steve Hatch and his uncle Robert Green pulled this blue beauty out of the water Sunday morning.


Only one out every few million lobsters is blue. And it’s due to a very rare genetic aberration. Maine Chemistry Professors Ronald Christensen and Harry Frank discovered that blue lobsters overproduce a blue protein called crustacyanin, which blocks the red pigment astaxanthin. The correct balance of both proteins makes brown lobsters; too much crustacyanin produces blue lobsters.


Blue food? That reminds me of blue raspberry flavored stuff. What the hell is blue raspberry? I mean, is it a raspberry? Is it a blueberry? Is it both? Who came up with that one? Some guy was sitting in an ad agency, and was like: “You know what is really boring these days? Raspberries. Let’s make them orange. No – BLUE! And kids will buy our stuff like it’s going out of style!”


Actually, blue raspberry flavor was originally derived from the Black Raspberry (Rubus leucodermis) which has a bluish-red color. But they’re nowhere near as blue as the artificial crap we get these days.


But it’s true. There IS a shortage of blue foods in nature. You’ve got blueberries and the occasional blue crustacean – but other than that, there’s nothing. Why do you think that is? Maybe the “wow factor” accounts for why kids love blue foods.


By the way, my daughters love blue yoghurt. I noticed something very strange the other night while changing a diaper. Ahem. The blue pigment is not – shall we say – easy to digest. That CAN’T be natural. I also ate some blue yoghurt. And no, I didn’t look.


I wonder what a blue lobster would taste like. It just so happens that our sapphire sweety received a stay of execution and was remanded to the custody of the Mystic Aquarium. But if you could, would you eat it? And do you think it would taste a bit “sweeter” than the average lobster? Kinda fruity?


Who cares. I just don’t get the appeal of strangely-colored foods.

Can you help me translate?

Monday, June 11, 2007

Kava

Fiji, courtesy South Pacific Holidays.


Our voyage now takes across the great Pacific Ocean, to the Islands of Polynesia, where we will investigate the language of herbology. The Polynesian triangle consists of hundreds of tropical islands that fall within a triangle formed by Hawaii, New Zealand, and Easter Island. Needless to say, the Polynesian islands offer prime real estate for adventure seekers and beach lovers, and if you plan to visit, perhaps you should prepare for the cultural phenomenon of Kava.


Fijians prepare Kava, courtesy Fijian Kava.


Kava, or ‘Awa as it is known in Hawaii, refers to the root or rhizome of the plant Piper methysticum, a member of the pepper family (Piperaceae) native to the South Pacific. For countless generations, peoples of the South Pacific have ground up the plant’s root into a fine powder, to make a cold infusion with water. The infusion is used as a ritual drink, a social beverage, and for its medicinal qualities.


Kava’s active ingredient is Kavalactone, which is said to act upon the Limbic system, the structures of the brain associated with emotions and associated memories. Further, Kava induces feelings of intense relaxation, reduces anxiety associated with depression, induces sleep in insomniacs, and has been used for medical purposes such as contraception and as a cure for Gonorrhea.


However, several studies in the United States, Germany, and Switzerland from 1999-2002 have shown that liver failure is infrequently associated with using dietary supplements that contain Kava extract. Other side effects include gastrointestinal discomfort and skin allergies, and Kava should not be consumed by pregnant women due to possible contraceptive activity.


All in all, Kava sounds like a fascinating plant. I’m just not sure I’d want to try it. Like most things, moderation is the key. When Mrs. Translator and I finally make it to Fiji, I’ll probably give Kava the old college try. But with the thought of liver failure looming overhead, I probably won’t make a habit out of it.


“Sure Kava chills you out, but your liver might fall out.” – Anonymous.


What about dietary supplements that contain Kava? Dietary supplements are truly the modern language of herbology. My mother drinks green stuff every day. Sorry, mom if you’re reading this. I’m not sure what’s in it, but it’s green - very green. I think she said it contains green tea extract, wheat grass, horse dung, elephant sweat – I dunno. The point is: she’s a supplement freak.


In the United States, dietary supplements are defined under the Dietary Supplement Health and Education Act of 1994, as a vitamin, a mineral, an herb or other botanical (excluding tobacco), an amino acid, or something used to supplement the total dietary intake. Supplements are regulated by the FDA as foods, not drugs. Therefore, they may only take action if a particular substance is proven harmful.


I know that most indigenous peoples have been using herbals and botanicals for thousands of years. But I also know that most indigenous people don't live past forty and they have very few teeth in their mouths. In other words, I’m sure that most herbals have positive and negative attributes, many of which, I’m not willing to muck around with.


There are two things I still don’t quite get about the language of herbology:

1) I don’t know if I’m willing to try Kava yet. Do any of you have experience with Piper methysticum that would sway my opinion either way?

2) Why do so many people use dietary supplements without actually knowing what they do to their bodies?


Can you help me translate?

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Breatharian Magic Words

Wiley Brooks, Breatharian, Spiritual Teacher, Inter-dimensional Traveler, and Founder of the Breatharian Institute Of America

Our travels now take us to Arizona in the United States, where we will investigate the language of Breatharianism.

According to the Breatharian Institute of America, a Breatharian “…is a person who can, under the proper conditions, live with or without eating physical food.” I don’t know about you, but physical food is my favorite kind of food. I couldn’t live without it for a day. I’d get all dead-like.

Anyway, in order to attain fifth-dimensional enlightenment, Breatharian master Wiley Brooks has compiled a list of five Magic Words:

1. Jot Niranjan

2. Omkar

3. Rarankar

4. Sohang

5. Sat Nam

Mr. Brooks follows this list with a very specific meditation procedure:

Start meditating with these magic words for at least 30 minutes a day to begin with and increase your meditating time to 2 hours a day as soon as possible. Repeat them in the exact order that they are.

Do the meditation excersize before drinking lots of diet coke in the 20 oz and 1 liter sizes in the plastic bottles only. Along with a double-quarter-pounder/with cheese meal at McDonald's only. Always meditate 30 mins to an hour before eating. Try to eat at least one meal a day for a while. Go back to my web site periodically to see if you can start to feel the magic after reading a few paragraphs.

IMPORTANT NOTE: DO NOT DRINK WATER OF ANY KIND OR FROM ANY SOURCE AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY,DO NOT EAT ANY FRUITS OR VEGETABLES DOING THIS REGIME!!!

May the forces be with you. You can call me and I will give you the correct pronunciations of the words from the 5D world.

Wiley

P.S. You can call me anytime. My 5D #: 602-781-2624. Call me after 9 PM Arizona time. If you have trouble the first time you call, meditate on the 5 magic words for a few minutes and try again.


May the forces be with you, too Wiley. But I thought you said that Breatharians can live without physical food? Why do you suggest drinking diet coke and eating McDonald’s double-quarter-pounder with cheese meals (that means fries too) while meditating? And I'm pretty sure the American Cancer Society is gonna get mad at you for preventing your followers from eating fruits and veggies.

I’m not “feeling the magic” in the language of Breatharianism.

I just don’t get it. Can you help me translate?

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

The Toilet Bowl

Let us now head to Taipei, Taiwan, where we can grab a meal at a local favorite: The Toilet Bowl. That's right, a potty-themed restaurant where you can "rest" while eating. The first thing that came to mind was: WHY?

I guess these children seem to be enjoying themselves. But I can't think of any reason, other than sheer gimmick, why I would want to eat in a restaurant filled with old crappers.


Wait. There was this Chinese place downtown in which I did get some pretty freakin' bad food poisoning. I guess that place could've used seats made out of toilets. Then I wouldn't have had to leave the table when I shat acid violently out of my burning ass and vomited for 36 hours until my lungs came out of my mouth with bits and pieces of my ruptured bowels.

That wasn't fun.

But I still don't really understand why you would want to eat at The Toilet Bowl in Taiwan. I guess people have their reasons.

I just don't get it. Can you help me translate?

From Odd Culture.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Casa Bonita

Our next journey takes us to the heart of old Mexico - to one of the finest Mexican restaurants in the world - Casa Bonita.

Ok. It's in the middle of Denver, Colorado, and the food is just mediocre. My family and I just happened to grab some dinner and entertainment there this evening.

You may remember Casa Bonita from a little show called South Park:

The similarity is striking. It's almost as if Matt Stone and Trey Parker have actually been to the restaurant. Several times. Many times, in fact. Here's the scene from this evening (Nikon D70s):

And here's the scene with Cartman (and follow link to hear Cartman):

Uncanny.

Also, it looks like Cartman ordered the same thing I did : the beef deluxe dinner - all you can eat, baby! Can you guess how many tacos I ate?

But what's the point of this post? It's obviously not just going to be a shameless endorsement for the restaurant. I can't argue, Babygirl Translator and Girl Translator both love it. But that's not what this blog is about. I want to get down to the nitty gritty about the cultural phenomena that make us unique.

So, what's unique about Casa Bonita?

We ate in a cave tonight. That's unique.

And we ate food that came out of a can - with lettuce and cheese on top. The point is, you could serve yesterday's monkey shit from the zoo and kids would still flock to Casa Bonita, pulling their parents (and their wallets) behind them. It's not about the food - it's about the waterfall, the cave, and the...the...guy in a monkey suit always threatening to jump from the shadows.

The Waterfall (from whence Cartman lunged)

The point of all this, is that some time in our life we switch from an emphasis on entertainment to an emphasis on culinary perfection. We no longer need monkeys singing and dancing...we just need a nice glass of wine and a thick juicy steak. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy some dining fun with the kids, every once in a while. I'm just not sure when (or why) the culinary growing-up-switch is activated.

I just don't get it. Can you help me translate?

Howard's Translation: "Only go if you have kids. They are the only ones who understand the appeal, but prepare to roll your eyes. A lot."

Sapheyerblu's translation: "If we keep their attention placed on the divers, they won't notice how nasty the food is".

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Durian Fruit

Our adventures now take us to Southeast Asia. Let’s say that you are sightseeing in Malaysia, and you get a hankering for a snack. Next, just for the sake of argument, let’s imagine your appetite is piqued by something for which the following can be said:

... its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. It can be smelled from yards away. Despite its great local popularity, the raw fruit is forbidden from some establishments such as hotels, subways and airports, including public transportation in Southeast Asia.

– Travel Writer Richard Sterling

Sound good?

If so, you will probably love the durian fruit. From Wikipedia:
The durian is the fruit of trees of the genus Durio belonging to the Malvaceae, a large family which includes hibiscus, okra, cotton, mallows and linden trees. Widely known and revered in Southeast Asia as the "King of Fruits," the fruit is distinctive for its large size, unique odour, and a formidable thorn-covered husk. Its name comes from the Malay word duri (thorn) together with Malay suffix that is -an (for building a noun in Malay), meaning "thorny fruit."

Ok, as someone with a background in Biology I did a little thinking. Why would the fruit smell like that? Probably to attract animals to eat the fruit. Why would a plant want animals to eat the fruit? Seed dispersal. Then why cover the fruit with a thorny husk? Probably to discourage tiny, inefficient agents of dispersal.



Animals I can understand. But why in the hell would any human want to eat something that looks like entrails and smells like pig shit?


I just don’t get it. Can you help me translate?

Beenzzz's Translation: "Shit flavored fruit sounds so tantalizing."