Transformers : The Ultimate Translators

I just saw Transformers. It was quite entertaining, yet expectedly juvenile. I'd recommend it for those who want a summer-roller-coaster-ride type of flick. Overall, I give it 4/5 passports: it's probably worth the trip for sheer entertainment value.


But this post isn't just a review.

If you think about it, the Transformers are kind of like the ultimate Translators - changing from one physical form into another. They even inspire change among moviegoers.

For example, this evening we saw some kids dressed up in cardboard costumes. Great fun, and I'm glad they had the creativity and energy to drop their video games and actually MAKE something. I'm not complaining. I just think their "translation" of Optimus Prime was a bit off - one older looking kid in particular.

Here's how Optimus Prime appears in the movie:


And here's about how Optimus Prime appeared this evening:



I think his "translation" was a bit off. I just don't get it. What is he trying to say?

Can you help him translate?

The Toilet Snorkel

U.S. Patent issued in 1982. Courtesy Patently Absurd.

Here in the United States, we have some pretty weird gadgets. Take, for example, the Toilet Snorkel.

If you are trapped in a burning building, toxic smoke inhalation poses the most immediate threat. So, an inventor thought that sticking a tube down the toilet would be a good place to find fresh air.

Huh?

When is the last time you said: "Gee, that toilet probably has some pretty nice-smelling air inside it." Or: "Gee, I wonder what it would taste like if I breathed the air from inside the toilet pipes." Or: "Gee, the toilet is the only place I can find fresh air in this bathroom filled with smoke."

Never.

What about the sink? What about the bathtub? What about getting the heck out of the bathroom filled with smoke before you need to resort to finding the toilet snorkel, unpacking it, reading the instructions, sticking sewer air into your lungs, and burning to death while you're sucking on toilet juices.

Hmm...toxic sewer air or toxic smoky air? I'll take the smoke. It's more sanitary.

I just don't get the Toilet Snorkel. Can you help me translate?

7 7 7

There has been a lot of talk about today's date, being 7/7/07. Triple sevens. Lucky sevens.

Lots of weddings today.
Lots of gambling today.
Lots of lottery tickets sold today.

But what happened on the last 7/7/07? In 1907?

What about the one before that?

Here are a few interesting facts that will make you think today was extra special:

1. Science Fiction Writer Robert Heinlein (of Starship Troopers fame) was born on July 7, 1907.

2. Wilmington, North Carolina's Star News:

"July 7, 1907: The U.S. Gunboat Wasp reached port from Charleston yesterday evening and is moored at the wharf of the Springer Coal Co., near the foot of Chestnut Street, where she will remain five days on recruiting duty."

3. The Franco-Russian Arrangements at Tilsit, July 7, 18o7

A. The Franco-Russian Treaty of Peace and Friendship, July 7, 1807
B. Secret Articles, July 7, 1807
C. The Franco-Russian Secret Defensive and Offensive Alliance, July 7, 1807

And that's about it. No cosmos-changing events. No amazing coincidences that resulted in a chimpanzee accidentally being hired at a law firm, actually making a court appearance, winning the case, causing the opposing lawyer to jump up in disgust, slapping the banana from the chimpanzee lawyer's hands, causing the ridiculously wealthy defendant to slip and fall into the hallway, unknowingly dropping her wallet filled with $7,500 into your open backpack as you walk by.

That would be cool.

But it only happened to me once, and it wasn't on 7/7/07.

Translation: 7/7/07 is not a very memorable day.

What happened to you today that we will be remembering 100 years from now?

Update: Mrs. Translator just returned from overnight call at the hospital. She said the first baby that was born yesterday was the seventh grandchild in that family. But wait, there's more. The baby was also born in room 7 at 7:00 am, and weighed 7 lbs, 7 oz. Coincidence? I don't know. But that baby will probably like the number seven.

World Wide Toilet

Translation: "When you know you're spending way too much time blogging."

Photo courtesy The Daily Weird.

Postcards from the Edge : Splantrik in Honolulu, HI

(Click on map for a larger view)

For our next installment of Postcards from the Edge...of the World, we travel to wonderful Honolulu, Hawaii.

My friend Splantrik, from Splantrik's Superness, has sent me what might be described as a "postcard":

(Click postcard for larger views)

What does it mean? It appears that Splantrik has removed a page from a very important book, the identity of which, shall remain secret to all but the wittiest translators.

Is there a cipher? A code? Should we look for certain letter or line numbers?

No.

It appears to be a random page from a random book.

Randomness is very much a part of Splantrik's life. For instance, if you visit Splantrik's Superness, you would see that our friend Splantrik conducts Google Image Searches (GIS) for random phrases, then chooses a corresponding image to display. Here's today's entry:

A GIS for "S plant iversary" yields this image:

Why? I don't know. But it's quite interesting. "S plant iversary" refers to the 1 year blogiversary of Splantrik, by the way.

In all, if you're interested in a daily dose of randomness, please visit Splantrik's Superness. You might be randomly surprised you like it! Oh, and Splantrik has promised that he will send more postcards from his travels. Stay tuned for more!

To read my previous postcard from Taos, NM, CLICK HERE.

And if YOU are interested in sending me a postcard and having your website "Translated" please CLICK HERE to learn more.

I can't wait to hear from you!

Coming Soon: Indiana Jones 4!

That's right. The man in the hat is back.

In case you haven't heard, Indiana Jones will be swinging his way back to the silver screen some time in 2008. The working title is Indiana Jones and the City of the Gods. Cate Blanchett and Shia LaBoeuff have signed on along with Harrison Ford. A few paparazzi shots of production:



To what does the City of the Gods refer, you may ask?

Translation: With my limited experience, I can only speculate that the City of the Gods refers to the pre-Columbian city of Teotihuacan in Mexico.

At its cultural zenith during the 1st half of the 1st millennium C.E., Teotihuacan was also referred to as the "birthplace of the gods" and the "place of those who have the road to the gods".

With its Avenue of the Dead and Pyramid of the Sun, I cannot imagine a more perfect location for an Indiana Jones adventure.

Who are these Gods?

Interstellar travelers that harbored an unimaginably powerful secret that threatens to destroy all mankind? A likely plot line.

The Avenue of the Dead and the Pyramid of the Sun (background, left).

In all, I guess we're going to have to wait to learn about Indiana's next adventure.

Translation: It's gonna be SWEET!

Chinese Villagers Eat Dragon Bones

Man on left: "Jeeze, that's a big drumstick."
Man on right: "Yum."

We now travel to Beijing, China where we will dive into the language of paleontology.

From Wikipedia:

Paleontology, palaeontology or palæontology (from Greek: paleo, "ancient"; ontos, "being"; and λόγος, logos, "knowledge") is the study of prehistoric life forms on Earth through the examination of plant and animal fossils.

In China, however, paleontology means "lunch".

This, according to Yahoo news, villagers in central China dug up a ton of dinosaur bones and ground them up for soup and traditional medicine. Up until last year, the bones were being sold as "Dragon Bones" in Henan province for about 50 cents per kilo.

Now, I'm not one to argue with local customs and indigenous cultural practices, but please. That's just ridiculous. Dragon bones? Apart from the irreplaceable scientific data that have been lost, it's just plain silly. Dragon bones?

We all know that Dragons with femurs that size are endemic to Europe. In contrast, Chinese Dragons have short legs and serpentine bodies, perfectly adapted to forest and riparian habitats. But seriously, if you are interested in the fun and amazing "science" of Dragonology, please check out this wonderful website. We could all use a bit of magic in our lives, eh?

A European Dragon, (Draco occ. magnus)

Back to reality. Dragon bones? I just don't get the practice of eating fossils.

Can you help me translate?

Happy Fourth of July!

Photo courtesy The Onion.

Flaming Freddy says: "Be very careful. Even sparklers can kill."

Translation: "Have a safe and happy Fourth of July!"

Duck and Cover!

We will now spend some time trying to figure out the language of safety signs. While some are very easy to understand, like stop signs - some are not very easy to translate. Our friends down at Safenow.Org have compiled a wonderful list of translations for a variety of safety signs.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!


If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand,
remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.


If you are sprayed with an unknown substance,
stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.


After exposure to radiation it is important to consider
that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

I understand those. They make perfect sense. But what about these?

#1


#2


#3

Can you help me translate?

Gotta Love the Tigers

Penaeus monodon (Asia)

The language of summer barbecuing is quite complex. Right around July 4th, the barbecue season is well underway, and people may be interested in grilling something a bit out of the ordinary.

No, I'm not talking about that annoying little dog that lives behind my house. Barking incessantly. Day. Night. When I watch television. When I'm trying to sleep. When I water the garden. When I walk to the kitchen. When I open the refrigerator. When I eat anything. I swear that little rascal can hear me eating.

No. As much as I'd like to grill that little puppy to a crisp, we don't condone any sort of violence here at Rosetta Rants. Not even towards the barking Spawn of Satan, himself. No, I'm talking about grilling something else.

For example, we threw some jumbo tiger prawns on the barbie tonight - shells-on, basted with a roasted red pepper and basil butter sauce. You gotta love the tigers. Man, they were good. Like little lawbstahs.

If you're gonna cook shrimp or prawns on the barbie, make sure you only cook them a few minutes per side, or you risk drying them out. Here's how I did mine:

Combine:

1 Lb, Jumbo tiger prawns (Shell-On, Costco, $16 per pound)
Juice of 1/2 Lime
1/3 Cup olive oil
Salt and Pepper to taste

Coat the prawns with all ingredients and marinate for at least 1 hr. Grill 2 minutes per side. Baste and serve with any sauce or melted butter.

In addition to the prawns, we had lots of beer, margaritas, and mojitos. Then we took in some beautiful fireworks. A few days early, but who's counting?


I fully understand the language of lazy summer grilling. No further translation necessary.

But I'd still like to know how YOU spend lazy summer evenings...