Duck and Cover!

We will now spend some time trying to figure out the language of safety signs. While some are very easy to understand, like stop signs - some are not very easy to translate. Our friends down at Safenow.Org have compiled a wonderful list of translations for a variety of safety signs.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!


If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand,
remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.


If you are sprayed with an unknown substance,
stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.


After exposure to radiation it is important to consider
that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

I understand those. They make perfect sense. But what about these?

#1


#2


#3

Can you help me translate?

A Bitey Evening

Mrs. Translator, Babygirl Translator, Girl Translator, and I went for a nice walk this evening. In this case, our travels took us to suburban Colorado, right outside our house. But the subject of this post concerns travelers worldwide: the language of nature.

We often take walks so that I can get my fill of the outdoors – being a biologist, I am always interested in sharing the language of nature with my family. This particular evening, however, one rather nasty bit of nature reared its ugly head and…bit Mrs. Translator. Many times....

Mrs. Translator's Bitey Back.

Who the hell invented mosquitoes? Because that person should be shot. Then hung. Then shot again. Then drawn and quartered. Then thrown in the river. Not just a creek – a raging torrential thing. Then kicked in the nubblies.

A bitey bugger.

Ok, silly question. Again, as a biologist, I know the language of nature is often complex and full of crisscrossing logic and syntax. I know that mosquitoes play their part in the great circle of life, but do they have to be so dang – mosquitoish?

And what’s with certain people being lunch while others (like myself) are lucky enough to remain uneaten? Bite count: Mrs. Translator = 10, Translator = 0. I’m sure there’s a biological explanation, but I’m not inspired enough to look it up. I guess if I was an eatee instead of a non-eatee, I might be more inclined to do so. Any input on this one?

Here are a few facts about our little bitey friends from Wikipedia:

The mosquito genus Anopheles carries the malaria parasite (see Plasmodium). Worldwide, malaria is a leading cause of premature mortality, particularly in children under the age of five, with around 5.3 million deaths annually, according to Center for Disease Control.

Greatest cause of death under the age of five, eh? Tiny little buggers, and yet so deadly. I say we wipe the buggers out. Bring on the deet. Bring on the Chloroquine, the permethrin and citronella in truckloads. Because calomine doesn’t smell very nice and I'm sick of scratching.

Mosquitoes: deadly, bitey, plague-bringers...itty, bitty package. An inscrutable word in the language of nature.

I just don't get it. Can you help me translate?